Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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