i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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