I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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