I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
