My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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