Your mouth is God's brothel.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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