we have pet lesbian snakes
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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