Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
