This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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