so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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