yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
