@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
