If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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