I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
they're like a gay fantastic four
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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