I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
