i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
