Texts From Last Night

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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.

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  (724): I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state. http://tfl.nu/piph
  Replies (17) Good night (515) Bad night (3138)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI

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  (215): He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI http://tfl.nu/4msy
  Replies (30) Good night (1754) Bad night (4340)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x

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  (+44): Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x http://tfl.nu/rt6u
  Replies (10) Good night (7930) Bad night (1213)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...

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  (443): At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead... http://tfl.nu/ukld
  Replies (10) Good night (758) Bad night (4340)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...

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  (325): She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised... http://tfl.nu/ztyt
  Replies (38) Good night (4006) Bad night (2235)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.

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  (914): Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen. http://tfl.nu/bjsq
  Replies (12) Good night (3061) Bad night (903)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude

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  (808): There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude http://tfl.nu/nnq9
  Replies (2) Good night (1479) Bad night (662)
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  (957): View more from

  I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.

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  (957): I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day. http://tfl.nu/42ia
  Replies (9) Good night (5794) Bad night (1017)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me

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  (330): I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me http://tfl.nu/zsgz
  Replies (2) Good night (1080) Bad night (1799)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!

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  (813): Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed! http://tfl.nu/9riq
  Replies (5) Good night (1052) Bad night (541)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.

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  (859): You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep. http://tfl.nu/roy1
  Replies (5) Good night (1184) Bad night (400)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.

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  (903): Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head. http://tfl.nu/qt0n
  Replies (3) Good night (877) Bad night (257)
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  (949): View more from California

  I hate that we are older than the real world people now

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  (949): I hate that we are older than the real world people now http://tfl.nu/6lpg
  Replies (3) Good night (639) Bad night (461)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.

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  (312): I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again. http://tfl.nu/ffgl
  Replies (0) Good night (247) Bad night (476)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...

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  (859): I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint... http://tfl.nu/nvoy
  Replies (6) Good night (423) Bad night (1353)

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