Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.