My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
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I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
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Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We're too hungover to prance.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.