how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
