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• (212): View more from New York

  Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?

  (1-479): View more from Arkansas

  what?

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  your penis

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.

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• 

  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (719): View more from Colorado

  No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.

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• 

  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (416): View more from Toronto

  Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.

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