He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
