Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
