Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
