i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
