The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
you had me at cake vodka
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
