Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
