I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
