I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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