she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
