yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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