So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
