is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
