Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
