How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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