every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I could fuck to npr.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
