I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she smelled like a LAN party
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
