Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
