She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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