Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
