I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
