I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
