summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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