You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
