We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Randomize
