I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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