at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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