Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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