Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
