I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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