I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
