you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
