Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
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