so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
