i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
