I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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