Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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