We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
