She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
