apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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