It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
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My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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