totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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