I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
