smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
