Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
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My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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