If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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