Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
