Pregnant stripper...not hot.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
