dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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