tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
