Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
