I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
