did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
