Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
