Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
