Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
