Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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